


Of The Sorts And Obstacles In The Way

by I_glitterz



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Crack, Gen, GlamBingoFill, Language, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Towels covered in blue goo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-20
Updated: 2012-04-20
Packaged: 2017-11-04 00:16:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/387533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_glitterz/pseuds/I_glitterz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil pranks Adam, Adam pranks Neil, and Tommy gets them both! (no relationship between the three of them, sorry)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of The Sorts And Obstacles In The Way

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously have no clue what happened here, but there's no pairing, just band mates being stupid and us laughing about it!
> 
> Fill for my Glam Bingo card: _Glam Nation: Neil_

Neil is like the thorn in Adam’s backside that he can’t reach for the life of him. He remembers when he was younger, how excited he was when his mom came home with this little bundle of _breakable-don’t-play-too-rough_ that was his baby brother. Now, Adam’s pretty sure that he wants to break his foot off in Neil’s ass.

Wiping the blue goo – that he really doesn’t want to know the contents of – off his face while glaring at a laughing Neil is the last straw because he’s sick and tired of the fucker pulling pranks on him.

“Dude… Your face,” Neil gets out between breaths and Adam growls, towel clenched tightly in his hand as he stomps over to Neil.

“You… Are… A… Fucking… Asshole… From… The… Planet… Assholes!” Adam says, smacking Neil as hard as he can with the towel with every word he gets out and it has Neil laughing harder, his hands clenching his stomach, tears running down his face and Adam keeps smacking him with the towel, hoping that at some point, it’ll transform into steel and he can whack his brother over the head with it!

He’s got arms around his chest, pulling him away from Neil and he turns and starts whacking the person who’s pulling him away from torturing his brother with a towel covered in blue slime. “Get off of me, I’m busy trying to knock some sense into this dickwad over here!”

“Hey! Stop it, Adam!” Tommy’s hair flies in front of his face when Adam smacks him again and then Adam stops, looks at the blue smeared across Tommy’s face and he loses it, bent over trying to breathe through his mouth as the laughter takes ahold of him.

“Oh my god! You… Your hair… Oh my god, your face!” Adam points and then closes his eyes and oofs when Tommy tackles him to the ground, Neil’s cackles still ringing off in his ears.

“I’m going to kill you, Lambert!” Tommy says, grabbing the towel and smearing it all over Adam’s face, and Adam – the little dramatic queen he is, because he just got that shit off – starts screaming and trying to push the towel and Tommy off of him.

“Neil! Neil, help me, please!” Adam gasps out between giggles when Tommy gets up, goes to grab Adam and slips on the towel, sending him to crash against the floor next to Adam.

Neil’s shaking his head, face red like he can’t breathe and he’s trying hard to. He gulps down air and says, “Your legs, Tommy! Over your head! Fuck!”

And Adam is too busy trying to breathe to even think about how that makes sense. He sits up, still laughing but his stomach hurts so badly and when he looks over at Neil, he tries to sound convincingly evil. “This isn’t over by a long shot, Neil! Your payback is coming!”

Neil just keeps laughing and Adam gets up, gives his hand to Tommy and pulls him up, then walks out of the room. He’s got a plan forming.

* * *

It doesn’t happen until a few night later, but he’s got Tommy on his side to do it and he grins wickedly every time he passes Neil, because the ball’s in his court and he’s gonna make a slam dunk. Adam went out shopping the day before with Tommy and they grabbed a new container of make-up full of different shades that he’d never even think about trying on and a few tubes of lipstick with some fingernail polish that was free with the purchase.

This plan was way better than the blue shit Neil got Adam with when he’d walked into his dressing room after rehearsal. This plan was golden!

So they wait, Adam and Tommy acting like nothing’s going on, going through the show with smiles on their faces because tonight, they’re all going out to the bar and tonight is the night that Adam exacts his revenge on his asshole of a brother. Neil doesn’t even suspect it if the way he’s still cackling at Adam says anything.

When they get to the bar, Adam and Tommy buy Neil as many drinks as they can without him getting suspicious and they get the band in on it, too, buying Neil drink after drink until he’s rushing to the bathroom to empty his stomach out.

Adam and Tommy volunteer to get him back to the bus and then they’re grabbing him up and walking out of there with a very drunk Neil.

“Wuz I gettin’ too drunk fer you guys? Dun wanna hang no mur?” Neil slurs out and Adam’s got the biggest grin on his face as he loudly says, “No! Never, Neily! We’re just taking the party to the bus. Woo hoo!” And Neil cringes, moves his head away from Adam to look at Tommy.

“Wuz hiz problem anyway, Tummy?” Neil asks, and Adam holds back his snicker at Tommy being called tummy. Neil’s so fucking drunk!

“Tommy. And he’s just really excited.” Tommy looks over at Adam and smiles wickedly. “Right, Adam!” he shouts and Adam laughs because Neil winces again and this is going to be awesome!

They get him into the bus and to his bunk before he passes out and when they lay him down, he lays on his back, mouth open and is out like a light, soft snores indicating that he’s knocked out.

“Quick, grab the bag!” Adam whispers, giggling softly as Tommy retrieves the bag they’ve kept their supplies in. They grab Neil’s hair and dust it in glitter, putting it all over his face as they paint on green and blue and purple and red all over his eyelids and cheeks, smearing on the bright purple lipstick.

“Oh, he’s gonna be so pissed when he wakes up and sees this. God, we _have_ to take a picture, man!” Tommy whispers excitedly and Adam couldn’t agree more.

They finish up his _do_ and paint his nails the pink with purple sparkles and then get out of their as fast as they can, leaving a trail of glitter and laughter behind them.

* * *

Adam wakes up to screaming and he snickers into the shoulder in front of him. Tommy and Adam passed out last night after laughing their asses off when they snuck a camera back in a few hours after their make-up session to see that Neil had smeared it all over his face, little speckles of glitter all over his pillow, and they took three pictures; one to show, one for back up and one for black mail if Neil ever tried to prank Adam again and deleted the other two.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him and feed him to the sharks, I swear to god! Where is he?” Adam hears Neil’s stomping around on the bus and then he pulls back the curtain of Tommy’s bunk and starts screaming. “How could you do this? I’m an ugly woman, you fucker! I hate you!” He glares at Tommy and points a pink glittery fingernail at him. “And you! You were the one to suggest that blue gooey shit when I wanted to get back at him for pushing your stage shit in my face! This is all your fault! And you _helped_ him!”

Adam glares at Tommy. “You told him to dump the blue stuff on me? Why?”

Tommy’s cracking up at this point, tears running down his face and then he’s gasping for air and Adam growls, throws a pillow over his face while he climbs out of his bunk.

“I will exact revenge, Ratliff! Watch your back!” Adam warns.

“Yeah, you’re gonna get it, twinkle toes!” Neil yells, then he looks at Adam. And Adam looks back at him. They grin. Oh, Mr. Tommy Joe don’t know what he got himself into now, and he’s too busy laughing at them to see that Adam has a plan forming in his head. Operation: Fake-Destroy Tommy’s Creepers underway.

The End


End file.
